That Is Not My Name
When I went to Australia, I did something that I have wanted to do all my life, but always failed to take the chances I had: I changed my first name. Not legally or anything – I merely gave everyone I met in Australia my second name instead of my first name, thus they addressed me by my second name. Why would anyone do that, you ask? It’s simple: I have hated my first name ever since I became consciously aware of what an old-fashioned, stupid name it is. In German, it rhymes with a lot of bad things. Therefore, I was bullied because of my name throughout primary and secondary school. It turned me into an introverted, extremely shy person. There was a time when I couldn’t even speak my own name because I hated it so much. Eventually I got (mostly) over it and accepted it as I grew older. But I suppose a scar remains where there once was a gaping wound, and my name has been robbing me of self-confidence ever since I can think.
Australia would have further complicated my situation: my first name is extremely German, and pretty much unpronounceable for anyone who doesn’t speak German. Also, in Australia my (written) first name is a word for a car/truck. Though it sounds completely different, that’s just way too weird. So I decided to simplify my life and gave everyone I met in Australia my easy-to-pronounce second name, which has no weird meanings in any language I know of. In fact, it is quite a common name throughout Indo-European languages, I suppose due to its religious origins. I’m not too happy about the religious connection, but oh well, gotta work with what I got, can’t have everything…
I suppose I could have invented a completely new name for myself – as most Chinese people in Australia do. They usually have a Chinese name, but choose some sort of similar sounding English name just to make things easier for Australians. During my horrible (name-wise) childhood, I have often thought about what I would like to be called. There were a few names I really liked, but somehow they just never seemed very ‘me’. Can I look in a mirror and call myself a name that is not my name? It seemed weird. A long time later, on the internet, I invented a fake name for myself which I use when I don’t want to give my real name: Ada. This is surprisingly similar to my actual first name. It is also surprisingly similar to my internet alias. It’s very simple and very international, but still… it doesn’t seem quite right to be called this in real life. Does it?
Using a name that is technically also one of my legal names was much easier. I regret that I have not seized the opportunity to actually make that change earlier – before Australia; I had a chance when I quit my job and started studying at university in German. But somehow, I had completely forgotten about it. I’m getting older, and having mostly accepted this stupid-ass name, I usually don’t really care anymore. But I also always planned to go abroad for a semester, and I knew that my name is totally incompatible with non-German-speaking countries. My own American relatives can’t pronounce it. Australians might have done a better job – they’re pretty savvy with foreign languages. But why bother when you can just choose the easy way?
I became very used to my ‘new’ name in Australia. People called me by it, I answered, everybody was happy. No introductions with “How do you pronounce that?” followed by ten repetitions which were bound to be butchered anyway. Eventually, I got so used to my second name that it felt weird to be called by my first name. I found myself in a very strange place: on the one side were my German friends who only know me by my German name, on the other side were my Australian friends who address me by my second name. Trying to merge both groups to one name would be strange; I wouldn’t really feel comfortable if my German friends, who I’ve know for a long time, would suddenly call me by my second name. However, I kind of would prefer if new people I meet would call me by my second name, but I see how that could be weird and problematic in Germany.
From this experience, I have learned that I was a much happier, much more easy-going person in Australia: without my first name, all the subconscious burdens of the past were lifted. Speaking English was the icing on the cake; I seem to be a much friendlier person when I’m speaking English. And let’s not forget the fact that I was surrounded by heaps of much friendlier, much more easy-going people.
To end this rambly blog post, here’s what the Immigration Museum in Melbourne, Australia has to say on the topic:
What about pronunciation, though? Since you weren’t used to it anyway, and the English and
German versions of your new name are rather similar, you may not have had this problem…
What is my name? Is it what my parents *call* me (and what I call myself), or is it more like the actual letters in the passport? If I go to another country or speak a different language, does it sound different?
Simon can be pronounced in at least 3 different ways: German (zee-mon), English (cy-man), and French (like German but with the stress on the second syllable). And two of them feel really weird. Like I’m being teased, or something. Only, people don’t care. *sigh*
Names are weird.
Yeah, I know where you’re coming from. I had a similar experience with my last name. Kids are cruel, little bastards. That – and the fact that my parents forced me to carry a fugly German Scout Tornister at a Canadian school where all the kids were sporting green army-style backpacks and Converse shoes – is probably one of the main things that drove me to early childhood introversion and a very awkward youth. It’s all good now. I guess it’s one of those things that either make or break you and I guess in hindsight it made me stronger (I could have done without the torment, of course). In the meantime, I’ve grown to be proud of it. It sets me apart. I actually think it’s pretty funny when people still come up to me and say “Wait, that’s your real name? I thought it was just for Facebook.” Anyway, I can call you by your second name if you want, I’d just need a while to get used to it. 😉 Your call!
Yeah, I know what you mean… I find being called by the German pronunciation of my second name a little bit weird too, because I’m only used to the English pronunciation. I assume that’s also why I’m not *entirely* comfortable (yet?) with also using that name in Germany as my main name. But as I noticed during my Australian name-change, you get used to being called something else pretty quickly, even if it’s just [sɑɪmən] instead of [ziːmɔn] 🙂
I can confirm that you can even get used to people calling you Jezza.
I can relate to that well. I started to introduce myself with my middle name about ten years ago and feel much more “me” being known as Lorelei – although Germans in particular seem to find that name a tad weird. Americans, not so much. My first name only gets used in formal and job situations nowadays, and I’ve noticed that sometimes I don’t even react to it anymore. Not because I’m being snobby, but because I don’t feel addressed when someone calls me the A word. That’s not me, so why turn my head, my brain seems to think.
Similar feelings here about being much happier in an English-speaking environment. Somehow, when I speak English, I’m a much friendlier, more open person.
No worries, you can call me whatever you want 🙂 Like I wrote above, I would probably feel weird if you (or any of my other German friends who only know me by my usual name) would suddenly call me by my second name…
Though I’m very much over all the bullying and don’t really care that much about my name anymore, I don’t think I can ever be proud of it. It’s just too weird as a name itself. It doesn’t even look or sound good. When I studied phonetics at uni, I noticed that most names I find beautiful have very soft sounds, most of them don’t have stops (such as t or k), instead they usually have nasals or glides (such as l, m, n, r). My name definitely doesn’t fall into that category…
Ah, yes, names. It is a big responsibility parents carry with that one. I am fairly lucky as I like my name. However, it is pronounced markedly different in English and German. Some people here pronounce it as German (to be polite) which I find very weird as I would never expect that.
A middle name gives you a lot of freedom as you have experienced yourself. Well, I wouldn’t know because I don’t have one 🙂
As for having that responsibility myself, for my (not-as-yet-on-the-horizon-and-may-never-happen) children I want names that are the same or very similar in either language, e.g. Lisa.
I actually think your first name sounds and looks quite nice – certainly way nicer than mine 🙂
Because I come from a place where names like the one you go by are the norm, I actually find your German name quite interesting! I guess it’s all about perspective.
I love my first name (Darnielle), but it gets a little frustrating every time I receive an e-mail addressed to Danielle, or my name is called out at an appointment and I have to pause to make sure that there’s not a Danielle in the room before I can assume they mean me.
I go back and forward between using Darnielle and my nickname, Nellie. It’s hard to decide when to use what name though, but I think I’m going to stick to the general rule of Darnielle for formal situations and Nellie for informal. And my other nickname for family and certain friends. 🙂
You’re lucky – I wish my parents would have chosen such an international name 🙂 I guess the problem with my name is that there just is no English pronunciation and it just sounds so terribly weird when it’s not German – be it an English, French, Swedish, or any other pronunciation.
I can relate to that a little bit as well, because both my first and my last name have a chance to get butchered. There’s a variation of my first name in Germany which ends with an a, and sometimes people get it wrong and call me by that name. But more often than that, people butcher my last name because the first half of it is very similar to the German word for angel. When they hear it, they automatically assume it’s “angel” (plus the second part), so I when I give someone my last name, I usually say “without an L”. But even stranger than people getting this wrong when I tell them in person, some people even get it wrong when they reply to an e-mail I sent, where they can clearly read the correct spelling of my name right there…