Movies of the Zeros

Some people argued about when the millennium would start – 2000 or 2001? And when does the decade start? I’m gonna take the easy route and regard the ten years from 2000 to 2009 as the last century, they all have at least two zeros in them. So, this post will be something like a Best Movies of the Decade List, widely influenced by my own personal opinion. The Zero-Decade is the decade in which my interest for movies and culture in general developed into what it is today. I was 15 years old when the century began and 25 when it ended. From rhapsodic teenager over nocturnal metalhead, I’ve become a wannabe-cineast with a preference for movies you’ve either never even heard of, or movies you only know because your parents like them. (OK, I admit I also occasionally enjoy the Hollywood crap.)

It’s been a crappy decade for Hollywood indeed. Always (saying that they’re) out of money, they think of ways to make sure people will watch their crap. So they came up with the concept of the sequel (it worked for George Lucas), and when they ran out off sequels, they came up with the prequel, the spin-off, the remake, the reboot and the franchise. So basically they were largely inspired by the motto “Same shit every day” (which is probably gonna get worse in the next decade) …

After lots of browsing through my databases, I compiled a list of about 50 movies. Unfortunately there was no way I could have eliminated enough movies to make it a Top 10 or even a Top 20, so I now ended up with 30 movies which I will list first in three groups ordered by how good the movies are and then ordered by the year they were released in. Honorable mentions go to these eliminated movies: American Psycho, Austin Powers in Goldmember, Interstate 60, Bourne 1-3, Så som i Himmelen, The Machinist, Inglourious Basterds and The International.

Top 30: The Good Crap

• 2000, USA: Little Nicky
  An Adam Sandler movie, you say? This is not an Adam Sandler movie. It might have Adam Sandler in it, but it is in fact a metalhead movie (a movie made for metalheads). But even if you’re not a metalhead, you might enjoy it immensely. It perfectly ridicules the devil, who is none other than Harvey Keitel (well, not in real life I think). There’s a talking dog who pees on acting, Quentin Tarantino in his best cameo ever, a guy with tits on his head, Hitler with a pineapple up his ass and also, last but not least, Ozzy Osborne.

• 2000, UK/USA: Gladiator
  Ridley Scott’s sandal epos has everything an entertaining movie needs: lots of in-your-face fighting, lots of passionate emotions and an evil, whining emperor. Said emporer is, and probably always will be, Joaquin Phoenix’s best performance ever – seeing him cry is the most enjoyable part of this film. There’s only one small thing that always bothers me when I watch Gladiator; It’s lack of authenticity. Why are these Romans and Spaniards speaking English? You would expect that Romans and Spaniards in Ancient Rome would speak Latin or something, wouldn’t you?! Mel Gibson might be a stupid fuck, but at least he makes his movies authentic.

• 2000, USA: The Prophecy III – The Ascent
  What is such a trashy movie doing in a list of best movies of the decade? I admit that it’s really really bad if you haven’t seen the first two. But for me, watching this was an big joy – all the small details from the first two movies were hinted at with such devotion… not as flat as in some other present-day sequelorgasms. Despite the lame villains, the ending of this film moved me so much that watching it was a memorable experience for me. I even blogged about it.

• 2003-2004, USA: Kill Bill
  Give a huge movie geek a camera, and the result is a film like Kill Bill. I wonder how Tarantino gets anything done with the amount of TV he must watch all day, but when he does it, it’s made with such devotion and precision that it’s pretty impossible to say anything bad about it. Kill Bill is his homage to Kung-Fu and Eastern movies, but you don’t need to be a Kung-Fu or Eastern fan to love it. A strong stomach might occasionally be a good asset for non Saw-approved minds.

• 2003, USA: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
  Before Disney ruined the Pirates of the Caribbean by turning it into a franchise, there was The Curse of the Black Pearl. A wild and splashy ride with pillaging pirates, ghastly ghosts, rampaging ladies and lots o’ kegs o’ rum. Just like in Disney World.

• 2005, USA/UK: Batman Begins
  I’ve always hated Batman, and then I saw Batman Begins. A great movie by an even greater director, with a great lead actor and a superb supporting actor. I think one of the best things about it is that it’s very grounded and realistic for a fantasy movie slash comic adaptation.

• 2005, UK/Czech Republic/USA: The Brothers Grimm
  Terry Gilliam tries to make a (semi-)Hollywood movie, and of course the poor bastard is out of luck again. Though The Brothers Grimm is practically identical in structure to Sleepy Hollow – being a very funny horror movie – not many people went to see it, not many liked it, and the box office spoke for itself. In my opinion this should have deserved more recognition, because it’s really one of Gilliam’s most accessible film, and just so damn funny (for which a lot of credit goes to supporting actor Peter Stormare).

• 2005, USA: The Island
  Not so far in the future, the world suffered a huge contamination and the remaining population lives in a utopic society which is controlled by something like a dictator hiding behind a TV persona… or is it? I can’t say more without spoiling it, but what I can say is that the plot twist is brilliant and gives you a lot to think about.

• 2006, USA: Blood Diamond
  Blood Diamond is one of those movies where no description can really tell what it’s about. I’m afraid you’ll just have to watch it yourself to see why it’s such a good movie.

• 2006, USA: Superman Returns
  One of the most underrated superhero movies of the decade, but definitely one of the best. And the reason is quite obvious: it’s got Kevin Spacey. As a villain.

Top 20: Independance

• 2001-2003, New Zealand: Lord of the Rings Trilogy
  What can I say about Lord of the Rings that hasn’t been said yet? Despite Tolkien’s dodgy racist tendencies, Peter Jackson has turned those books into an epic experience full off mindblowing landscapes, cuddly orcs and long-haired men. (And epic also because need about 2 days to watch the whole thing.)

• 2002, Sweden: Den Osynlige (The Invisible)
  If you’re an emotional person, you’ll probably cry throughout this entire movie. It’s actually not THAT sad (at least not as torturing as Alejandro González Iñárritu likes to make his movies), but just so… emotional. With unexpected plot twists.

• 2004-2008, USA: Hellboy and Hellboy II – The Golden Army
  Oh noes, another superhero movie? Nope, this is Hellboy! Brought to you by a big geek with the name of Guillermo del Toro. And Hellboy is the kind of superhero movies which doesn’t appeal to the kind of people who are attracted to that other kind of superhero movies. Hellboy is just huge fun!

• 2005, USA/Germany: A History of Violence and 2007, UK/Canada/USA: Eastern Promises
  I had a really hard time deciding which David Cronenberg / Viggo Mortensen collaboration is better; A History of Violence or Eastern Promises? And obviously I still can’t decide, that’s why both now share a spot on this list. They might both be entirely different, but they’re both equally brilliant.

• 2005, UK: MirrorMask
  You have not seen a fantasy movie until you’ve seen MirrorMask. It’s the fantasy kind of fantasy, now brought to live on the screen in bright warm, sometimes dark musty colors. Altogether very odd and Gaimanesque.

• 2006, Hong Kong: Gwai Wik (Re-Cycle)
  I’m actually not that sure if this is a good movie, but I’m very sure that it’s a memorable movie. It’s memorability stems from the unique utilization of plot twists. It starts out as the creepiest possible Asian horror movie you could think of – and ends as something completely different (but I might have to disappoint you to say that it’s got nothing to do with Monty Python).

• 2006, UK: Cashback
  Cashback is actually a sort of remake, or maybe expansion-set would be the better description. It was a short film first, which then was converted into a full-length film. The lead character suffers from insomnia after a bad break-up, and now works the night shift in a supermarket. This inner monologues and his fantasies of stopping time are the garantuee for bringing you a mindblowing cinematic experience.

• 2006, Canada: Fido
  Fido is the story of a boy and his zombie, set in a world which was contaminated by radiation prior to the 1950s. This radiation turns anyone who dies into a zombie, and to prevent those zombie from eating brains, the people invented collars to control their hunger for flesh and use them as servants. Thus, this movie will be your excellent sunshiney 1950s happiness experience – with zombies.

• 2007, UK: Hot Fuzz
  Speaking of zombies, this guy Simon Pegg made a zombie movie called Shaun of the Dead. But then he made a much crazier movie called Hot Fuzz. Let’s just say that if you’ve ever lived in an insular tiny village, you won’t stop laughing when you see Hot Fuzz. (Also, it’s absolutely whacky.)

• 2007, USA: The Darjeeling Limited
  And if you’re not tired of whacky movies yet, you need to watch The Darjeeling Limited. It’s about three New Yorker brothers who are completely and utterly nuts, but in a very subtle way. Now imagine them on a train journey through India.

Top 10: International Cinema par excellence

• 2001, France: Le fabuleux destin d’Amélie Poulain
  Ah Amélie! C’est le mieux film français de tout temps. C’est une expérience cinématique comme aucune d’autres. Un histoire d’amour réconfortante et fantastique. (Je ne parle pas français).

• 2002, New Zealand: Whale Rider
  Whale Rider tells the story of a young Maori girl who seeks acceptance from her patriarch grandfather. But her grandfather is disappointed that his son did not give his tribe a male heir. A moving story everyone can empathize with and also an example of how old traditions clash with modern day life.

• 2002, USA: Equilibrium
  Equilibrium is IMO a very underrated re-imagining of 1984 with a brilliant performance by Christian Bale in the lead role. The story takes a step further and has the population of this dystopia taking pills to suppress their emotions. Judging by that you might not think it, but it’s a very emotional film.

• 2006, Germany: Das Leben der Anderen (The Lives of the Others)
  Usually German movies suck. The exception proves the rule, and Das Leben der Anderen is the exception. Though the suckiness sometimes seeps through the blunt acting of some selected members of the cast, it’s an allover great movie and I almost cried when I first watched the final scene. Which is odd, because it’s not sad at all.

• 2006, Spain: El laberinto del fauno (Pan’s Labyrinth)
  El laberinto del fauno es una película muy fantástico del director excelente Guillermo del Toro. Su imaginación (y a veces su crueldad) no conoce fronteras, como esta película demuestra claramente. Es desgarrador y alucinante (a veces al mismo tiempo).

• 2006, USA: Inside Man
  Inside Man is one of most intelligent movies I’ve ever seen. You wouldn’t think that of your average bank robbery film, but this is not average, and also technically not a bank robbery film. See and marvel.

• 2007, Serbia: Klopka (The Trap)
  In this modern Film Noir, a family father tries to raise money by illegal means in order to pay for a live-saving operation for his sick son. But no description will do this film justice, because the most mindblowing thing about it is the cinematography. It’s shot in such an incredibly beautiful way that, here too, you will see and marvel all the way.

• 2007, Argentina: La Antena (The Aerial)
  And the third and last film to see and marvel on this list is: La Antena. It resolves around a village where the voices of the people have been stolen, and now they have to communicate just with words on the screen – a bit like subtitles, but completely different.

• 2008, Sweden: Låt den rätte komma in (Let the right one in)
  Some people call Låt den rätte komma in a vampire story, but does it have to be called a vampire story if there’s a vampire in it? I would call it a comtemplative love story between a boy who is mobbed in school and an apparent girl who is… not a girl.

• 2008, UK: In Bruges
  Two Irish hitmen are hiding out in Bruges, Belgium and in their boredom, they have to face things such as guilt, morality and redemption. This black comedy is story-wise one of the fucking best films I’ve ever seen. That’s really all I can say about it.

This is it, the in my opinion 30 best movies of the last decade – the decade I’ve turned into a movie junkie, having seen 500 different movies since 2005 alone – who knows what an unhealthy amount of movies I’ve seen before I started keeping track of them! But to be honest, my consumption of movies is tuning down – what used to be 2-5 movies per week, is now an average of one per week. I sometimes get the feeling that I’ve already seen all the good movies which would interest me. Which is probably not true, because it’s just hard to find them. We’ll see what the next ten years will bring is in movies, aside from all the dispensable sequels, prequels, spin-offs, remakes and reboots.